Requesting "translation" help Jeff Zeitlin (28 Apr 2024 23:20 UTC)
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help Charles McKnight (29 Apr 2024 01:37 UTC)
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help Timothy Collinson (29 Apr 2024 02:12 UTC)
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help G. M. (29 Apr 2024 07:39 UTC)
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help G. M. (29 Apr 2024 07:45 UTC)
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help Jeff Zeitlin (07 May 2024 22:40 UTC)

Requesting "translation" help Jeff Zeitlin 28 Apr 2024 23:20 UTC

This issue of Freelance Traveller is going to have a translated article
from Vuelo Raso in it (and will be delayed until next weekend). Most of the
article is done, and I'm touching up some [contextual] mistranslations and
awkward wording, and managing the formatting, but the author included a
poem, and ... well, let's just say that I don't think any automatic
translation can do a credible job of translating poetry.

I've provided both the original Spanish and Google's translation to
English. I'd appreciate it if someone who was competent in Spanish could
assist with "reworking" (probably more like "rewriting") the English to
both be poetic and carry the same sense. Poetic meter should also be a
target here, though not necessarily the same meter as in the Spanish.

Spanish					English Notes

En la luna negra			On the black moon
de los bandoleros,			of the bandits,
cantan las espuelas.			The spurs sing.

Caballito negro,			Black Caballito, *1
¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto?		Where do you wear your dead rider?

...Las duras espuelas			... the hard spurs
del bandido inmóvil			of the motionless bandit
que perdió las riendas.			who lost his reins.

Caballito frío,				Cold gentleman, *2
¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo!	What a knife flower perfume!

En la luna negra			On the black moon
sangraba el costado			He was bleeding his side
de sierra morena.			from Sierra Morena. *3

Caballito negro,			Black Caballito,
¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto?		Where do you wear your dead rider?

La noche espolea			The night spole *4
sus negros ijares			His blacks ijares *5
clavándose estrellas.			nailing stars.

Caballito frío				Cold horse *6
¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo!	What a knife flower perfume!

En la luna negra,			On the black moon,
¡un grito! y el cuerno			A shout! and the horn
largo de la hoguera.			bonfire length.

Caballito negro,			Black Caballito,
¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto?		Where do you wear your dead rider?

While writing this message, I had a thought, and re-translated without
preserving the formatting - each stanza was pasted as a single "paragraph"
with no internal line breaks. Below is the result:

En la luna negra de los bandoleros, cantan las espuelas.
	In the black moon of the bandits, the spurs sing.

Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto?
	Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider?

...Las duras espuelas del bandido inmóvil que perdió las riendas.
	...The hard spurs of the immobile bandit who lost his reins.

Caballito frío, ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! *A
	Cold horse, what a knife flower perfume!

En la luna negra sangraba el costado de sierra morena. *B
	In the black moon the brown saw's side bled.

Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto?
	Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider?

La noche espolea sus negros ijares clavándose estrellas.
	The night spurs its black flanks, nailing stars. *C

Caballito frío ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo!
	Cold horse, what a knife flower perfume!

En la luna negra, ¡un grito! y el cuerno largo de la hoguera.
	In the black moon, a scream! and the long horn of the bonfire.

Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto?
	Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider?

Notes to the translations:
*1 _Caballito_ was not translated; as a separate word, it translates as
   "little horse" or "hobbyhorse"
*2 I have no idea how it gets "gentleman" from "Caballito" here.
*3 This is what I mean about mechanical translation of poetry - the Spanish
   is probably both grammatical and sensical, but the English seems
   neither. Also, 'sierra morena' should probably not have been interpreted
   as a proper name.
*4 I can't find 'spole' as an English word. As a separate word (not as part
   of the poem), 'espolea' comes up as 'spoil'.
*5 In the poem, 'ijares' didn't translate. As a separate word, 'flanks'.
*6 Huh? This stanza is identical (in Spanish) to the fourth.

*A While the poem generally comes out "better" when not broken up for
   "poetic" formatting, this stanza (and its twin below) still comes out
   broken.
*B This doesn't quite seem right. I think here, 'sierra' should probably be
   'mountains' or 'mountain range', rather than 'saw'.
*C Google Translate offers as a less preferred alternative '...piercing the
   stars' for '...nailing stars'. Also note 'spurs' for 'espolea' instead
   of 'spole' or 'spoil'.

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